Dear PHP, I’m leaving and yes, she’s sexier

Dear PHP,

I know this letter won’t come as much of a surprise to you.  We’ve been growing apart for a while now but today we officially part ways.

It wasn’t easy to write this.  You and I have a lot of history.  Hard to believe it was over 10 years ago when you welcomed me into your arms.  You were young, sexy, and a breath of fresh air compared to my ex, Perl (shudder – lets not go there).  It didn’t take long for our relationship to start paying the bills.  In fact, every job I’ve had in the last decade had you on a pedestal.

We had plenty of good times.  Remember how we survived a front-page CNN link and pulled in $500k in 14 days?  And all the dynamic PDF creation over the years still brings a smile on my face.

But we had our rough times too.  I could go the rest of my life without ever hearing the words ‘register globals‘ again.  And you know quite well that I still bear the scars from creating SOAP clients with you.  While neither of us has been truly faithful (what ever happened to V6 and UTF-8?), we’ve always been able to work out our differences up to now.

But starting tomorrow, for the first time in 10 years, my ‘day job’ won’t include you.  I’m leaving you for node.js.  We were introduced by our mutual friend, JQuery.  At first I thought she was just the latest flavor of the month; popular among the guys on the mailing lists but now I’ve fallen victim to her async charm and really think we have a future together.

When you and I started having fun on the couch a year ago, I thought maybe our relationship would just keep going.  But then node and I spent some time on that couch and – oh, what she can do with JSON makes my toes curl.  To be perfectly honest, you just can’t compete with her.  She’s all that you used to be – young, sexy, and fast.  I’m sure some of your other boyfriends will probably argue with me about it but I’ve been smitten.  While they’re fighting with you over namespacing, she and I will be branching in non-blocking ways and spawning like crazy.

I’m not saying we’ll never see each other again – heck, you’re even serving this blog.  But I’m moving on and I hope you will too.  If you want to see what node.js and I are up to, stop by some time.  Maybe we can even help you keep an eye on all those fatal exceptions of yours.